Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
