I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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