I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
