No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
