...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
