He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
i out mim tonsoeep
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