I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
