i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
