Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
