I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
