Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
And then he peed in my hair
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