i permit you to call me
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
