sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
