come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
