Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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