based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
