Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
