i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
