the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
