Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
