I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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