I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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