dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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