I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
