You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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