The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
