Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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