i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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