bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
