i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
