she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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