dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
