Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
