Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
