Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
