You made me cry and you don't even care
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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