she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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