ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
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Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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