I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
