My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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