I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
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As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize