I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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