i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Randomize
