my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
