I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
