If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
