im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
why do cheetos always look like penises
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
