and i looked up. we had an audience...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
