i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I think my moral compass just broke
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
