I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
