The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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