He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
