i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
