I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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