Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
