Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I am one with the molecules
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
