i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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