Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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