I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
dude. I can hear the air.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
