I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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