I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize